the highsiders
by rooball
Summary: okai. i'm mainly just making this for fun...so you don't have to review but that would be nice. i don't own anything.
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a talking horse. The horse had severe mental problems and thought that he was a person. The horse also could talk, due to radiation poisoning which caused mutation. The horse called himself "Ponyboy" due to thinking he was a person. Don't ask me why.  
So anyway. This horse lived in a stable in Tulsa, Oklahoma with it's keeper, Harrel "Hairy" Curtis. Hairy was a sympethetic sort of person and kept the deranged "Ponyboy" out of kindness, because otherwise he would be put down. They lived a rather dysfunctional life together. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...Ponyboy also had a mental disorder where he believed that this bottle of Pepsi was his brother. He called it "Sodapop".  
One day Ponyboy was galloping home from a movie he had been kicked out of. Most movie theaters don't let horses in. Of course, Ponyboy thought he was a human and was confused and angry. On his way home, he encountered a group of socks. Uh-oh, he thought. Socks. Ponyboy and Hairy were part of a group called the "Foot Funguses" aka the FF's. (They were called this because of their foot diseases.) The FF's wanted to spread foot funguses all throughout Tulsa, and the socks wanted to stop them. The two groups were mortal enemies.  
The socks were all expensive, made out of madras and leather. They were covered with mustard, which was considered upper-crust in Tulsa. Wow, thought Ponyboy. Mustard is luff. (Luff was a slang word that the FFs used. It had originated with the famous FF leader Lucas Von Ruffenhuff, who was German and had a heavy accent and heavy foot fungus as well. He liked his foot fungus, so one day he said, "Wow, I luff this foot fungus." The word luff caught on as anything that was smelly, like mustard.) The socks smirked. They knew that Ponyboy liked their mustard.  
"Okay, horse. Let's get on with it. We're going to put socks on you," said a particular nasty sock named Bob.  
Ponyboy whinnied in despair. He hated having socks put on his hooves. They didn't fit right and looked all weird. He tried to run away, but the socks pinned him down with their cleanliness. They had put a sock on him when the FFs appeared. There were too many FFs for the socks, so the socks ran away.  
Ponyboy was crying by the time the FFs got to him, (one of the FFs said mockingly at this point, "Huhuhuh. You're crying,")and the sock was still on him. Hairy immediately peeled it off of his hoof and threw it onto Koala Cade's face. Koala was an FF that had a disease known as "Macchioitis" causing him to look like a seven-year-old when in fact he was sixteen. Despite this disorder, his undesputable good looks made him popular with the middle-school girls. However, the FFs picked on him a lot. That was why the sock got thrown on his face.  
"Are you all right?" asked "Sodapop", whom Ponyboy carried in his pocket everywhere. At least Ponyboy THOUGHT that the Pepsi bottle talked to him. It didn't, of course. "Did they put a sock on you?"  
Ponyboy nodded.  
"I'm glad you're okay," said Two-Boy Mathews. "No wait. I'm not. I hate you! I wish you were dead!" As you can see, Two-Boy was bipolar.  
The last two members of the FFs ran up to Ponyboy. Their names were Peeve and Texas. (Texas's real name was some town in Texas, but everyone had forgotten what it was.) Peeve was actually Tom Cruise in a very bad disguise. This caused him to be nearly run over by fans every day, screaming and wanting his autograph. This resulted in Peeve/Tom having to wear a sheet over his face all the time.


	2. Chapter 2

Texas chewed gum and stared hard at Ponyboy. His chains rattled in the wind. They were ridiculous, actually, hanging from his arms and neck, but Texas Winston was convinced he was ghetto. So he wore the chains every day, as well as a backwards-facing baseball cap, black clothes, and a permanent cigarette. He also wore pink fairy wings, which everyone else tried to tell him not to wear. He thought they were tough, though, so they remained on his back all the time.  
"Aren't you going to ask whether I'm okay?" whined Ponyboy at Texas. Ponyboy's eyes glistened with tears.  
Texas glared at him. "I gotta go, kid. I got some illegal stuff to do. And...huhuhuh. You're crying."  
All the FF's rolled their eyes. They all knew that Texas's idea of "illegal stuff" was calling a little kid a "farthead" and then running away giggling.  
Ponyboy stood up unsteadily. "I better go home."  
Hairy jumped on his back and they started galloping home when Ponyboy screamed. "WE FORGOT SODAPOP!" It was true, the empty bottle of Pepsi lay on the ground, forgotten.  
"Oh, for the love of..." muttered Hairy, gritting his teeth. "Sodapop. How could we forget." But he hopped off of Ponyboy and picked up Sodapop. Then they headed home.  
At the Curtis house, they found Mot Shephard sitting on the couch like a creeper. Mot was an FF like the rest of them, but he had never really fit in. There was a rumor going around Tulsa that he had once touched Koala so much that Koala was scarred for life. Of course, no one blamed him. Koala was just so darn adorable that everyone wanted to touch him. But you didn't do that to Koala without asking him. Unless you were his girlfriend, Sophia. Then it was okay.  
"Hiiii," said Mot in his high, girlish voice.  
"Oh, hello," said Hairy. Hairy wasn't thrilled to see the rumored "touchy feely stranger" on his couch, but he had to be polite. "I, um...think I'll go to bed now." Everyone knew that "bed" really meant watching R-rated movies in his room, but everyone humored him.  
Ponyboy looked at his Pepsi bottle of a brother. "Well, I guess it's just you and me, Sodapop." He carried Sodapop into his bedroom to do inappropriate things with. Just kidding. They just had a long, one-sided conversation about Sodapop's "girlfriend", Mountain Dew. Ponyboy had set up Sodapop and Mountain Dew when he was ten, seeing how happy Koala and Sophia were together. I'll spare you the boredom and won't write their "conversation".  
The next day, Ponyboy decided to go to a drive-in movie with Texas and Koala. Horses were sometimes allowed in drive-ins just because they were outside and he couldn't really do any damage.  
Ahead of the boys was a female sock named Marsean. Sitting next to her was a cherry-sock hybrid. Her father had been a sock and her mother was a cherry that had been dropped on her father by accident. The hybrid was deeply embarassed about her hybrid-ness and everyone called her Serry, a combination of Sock and Cherry. They would have called her Cock, but for obvious reasons they didn't. The only worse thing was being a sock-FF hybrid. Then you were called a sofck, which was annoying and hard to pronounce.  
"Heyyyy," said Texas to the girls. He also had a high, girlish voice similar to Mot's, which he tried to lower because of said trying-to-be-ghetto-ness. (It didn't work.)  
"Uh-oh," said Ponyboy under his breath. He knew that Texas would try to spread his foot fungus onto Serry and Marsean. That couldn't be good for them.  
"Be nice and leave us alone," said Serry. She would have turned red if she hadn't already been a cherry. Cherries are pretty red as they are. That said, the entire last two paragraphs have been a waste. Whoops, so is this one. And this one. I've got to stop doing this. Okay, now it's an entire paragraph. I'm ending this. Now.  
"I'm NEVER nice," said Texas, laughing maniacally.  
"Hey!" yelled Marsean. "I recognize that quote. That's the one these two annoying kids kept saying at this camp I was a counselor at. That one and-  
"Dally's your friend," said Serry, Ponyboy, Texas, Koala, and everyone else in the world dully in unison. "Yep. Been there, done that."  
"Who the heck is Dally?" asked Texas. "That's a weird name. It sounds like a girl name."  
"Huhuhuhuhuhuh. Dally," said Ponyboy. "What a sissy name."  
"And why is he my friend?" asked Marsean. "My only friends are shoes. Ooh, that reminds me...shoes. Shoes. Oh my god, shoes. Let's get some shoes. Let's party. These shoes rule. Your shoes suck."  
"I think you have too many shoes," Texas ventured.  
"SHUT UP!" yelled Marsean, her face turning red. Now her face actually DID turn red, because unlike Serry she wasn't a cherry. "Stupid boy."  
Okay, now I'm really getting way off-topic...Back to the story; I'll stop doing random stuff.  
So Texas was trying to spread his foot fungus onto Serry. Right when his foot was dangerously near hers, Koala nervously tapped Texas on the shoulder. Texas turned in surprise. Koala usually never touched anyone due to his traumatizing experience with Mot. "What?"  
"Knock knock," squeaked Koala.  
Texas's face turned red. Boy, am I using that phrase a lot. I wonder why. Again with the not-needed sentences. When I publish this, my editor will probably cut these out. You'll never read this.  
Texas didn't want to hear the stupid knock-knock joke again. It made no sense and he hated hearing the name Dally. So he ran away in a huff, never to infect girls again.  
"Yay!" squealed Serry. "My hero!" She threw her arms around Koala and was about to plant a kiss on his cheek when The Universe stopped her, catching her in a tornado. (Foreshadowing alert. See? See what I did there?)  
"You were brave," said Koala. "No one talks to Texas like that."  
"Apparently you do!" said Serry. "You defied him with your joke."  
"Oh yes...by the way KNOCK KNOCK!" said Koala.  
Everyone ran away.  
Koala drooped, and he starting to weep.  
Huhuhuhuhuh. He was crying.  
***


End file.
